Monday, June 16, 2008

Manic Monday




Mo has prescribed the word WILL for Manic Monday. Now the first thing I have to do is post a picture of WILL SMITH because, well, just because he's a hunk!



Now I want to post some humorous last wills and testaments:

Last Will and Testament

An elderly spinster called the lawyer's office and told the receptionist she wanted to see the lawyer about preparing a will. The receptionist suggested they set up a convenient time for the spinster to come to the office. "You must understand, I've lived alone all my life, I rarely see anyone, and I don't like to go out. Would it be possible for the lawyer to come to my house?" the

elderly woman asked. The receptionist checked with the attorney who agreed and went to the spinster's home to discuss her estate and the will.

The lawyer's first question was, "Would you please tell me what you have in assets and how you'd like them to be distributed under your will?" "I have $40,000 in my savings account at the bank," she replied.
"Tell me just how would you like the $40,000 to be distributed?" the lawyer asked. "Well, as I've told you, I've lived a reclusive life, people have hardly ever noticed me, so I'd like them to notice when I pass on," said the woman. "I'd like to provide $35,000 for my funeral."

"Well, for $35,000 you will be able to have a funeral that will certainly be noticed and will leave a lasting impression on anyone who may not have taken much note of you!" the lawyer exclaimed. "I need to know, what would you like to do with the remaining $5,000?"
The spinster replied, "As you know, I've never married and the fact is I've never slept with a man. So before I die, I'd like you to use the $5,000 to arrange for a man to sleep with me just once." "This is a very unusual request," the lawyer said, "but I'll see what I can do to arrange it and get back to you."

That evening, the lawyer was at home telling his wife about the eccentric spinster and her weird request. After thinking about how much she could do around the house with $5,000 and with a bit of coaxing, she got her husband to agree to provide the service himself. The next morning, she drove him to the spinster's house and waited while he went in. She waited for over an hour, but her husband didn't come out, so she blew the car horn. Shortly, the upstairs bedroom window opened, the lawyer stuck his head out and yelled, "Pick me up tomorrow, she's going to let the county bury her."

Last Will & Testament of a Farmer

I LEAVE:

To my wife: My overdraft at the bank. Maybe she can explain it.


To my son: Equity on my car. Now he will have to go to work to meet the payments.


To my banker: My soul. He has the mortgage on it anyway.

To my neighbour: My clown suit. He will need it if he continues to farm as he has in the past.

To the farm credit corporation: My unpaid bills. They took some real chances on me. I want to do something for them.

To the junk man: All my machinery. He's had his eyes on it for years.

To my undertaker: A special request. I want six implement dealers and six fertilizer dealers for pallbearers. They are used to carrying me.

To the weatherman: Rain, hail and snow for the funeral please. No sense in having good weather now.

To the grave digger: Don't bother. The hole I'm in now should be big enough.

And lastly

To the monument (grave stone) maker: Set up a jig for the epitaph. "Here lies a farmer who has now properly assumed all of his obligations."

Jack's Last Will and Testament

"To my dear wife Esther, I leave the house, 50 acres of land, and 1 million dollars. To my son Barry, I leave my Big Lexus and the Jaguar. To my daughter Suzy, I leave my yacht and $250,000. And to my brother-in-law Jeff, who always insisted that health is better than wealth, I leave my treadmill."

Last Will & Testament Moatman@aol.com

We have two sons, and in bringing them up we have been careful to imbue them
with the belief that money can not buy happiness or love. On the other hand,
we always felt we would be remiss were we to fail to impress upon them the
importance of the Bottom Line.

With this in mind, we developed our version of our Last Will & Testament. As
we explained to our sons, our will includes three unusual features:

1 - It is on computer, it is revised frequently, and at random intervals.

2 - The will leaves everything to one son without one cent left to the other.

3 - Who gets everything is determined by which son has been the most
thoughtful and attentive to us RECENTLY. Past attentiveness and
thoughtfulness counts for nothing - only what has been done RECENTLY.

It is simply amazing how loving, thoughtful, and considerate those boys have
become, and we commend our method to all thoughtful people.

The Last Will and Testament of William Shakespeare

Ol' Willy's last will and testament isn't funny so if you'd like to read it I give you the link above.




theteach

24 comments:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

Will Smith is a hunk. Loved the lawyer joke. Bwahahahahahaha. Have a great MM Teach. :)

crazy working mom said...

Great post! :)

I LOVE Will Smith. He's a great actor. Happy Manic Monday.

Jim said...

Nice wills and will stuff.

I hope your yellow vase picture takes and award, it is nice.
..

Askew To You said...

Will Smith IS a hunk, I agree.

Thank you for your kind words on my blog. My grandpa is holding his own right now. He's a pretty tough guy.

It made me giggle when you called me, "Askew." I'm Michelle and also, frequently "askew." ;D

Gattina said...

Gosh ! we had the same idea with the jokes, lol ! I put the one with the treadmill, but I didn't think of Will Smith !

Chuck said...

OK the pic of Will is awesome. I couldn't hardly read further. That did it for me. hehehe *lovies* Have a gr8 week.

Marilyn said...

I wish I'd thought of Will Smith. That is a nice picture of him.

I wouldn't mind getting the treadmill. Especially if it had some market value.

Louis la Vache said...

SPECIAL EDITION FOR CHUCK PEFLEY!

Napaboaniya said...

All these cracked me up!!!
I'm off................to write my 2cents worth of Will :P

Lois Grebowski said...

:-D)

Loved Will Smith in Independence Day!!!!

Needed the smile... thanks!

Debbie said...

You got me laughing so hard here, I can't think of any comment but thank you!! LOL LOL

Putz said...

everybodys is happy at the end of that woman's life, money well spent if you ask me...and i will read what ole willie wanted to leave to people, see i miss spelled a word in this post too,,,are you mad at me teach?

Suzie said...

Hee hee liked the lawyer joke.

anthonynorth said...

Now they were good, especially the lawyer one - as, apparently, was he!

Jamie said...

Will is decidedly hunky.

Good friend for Jesus sake forbeare,
To dig the dust enclosed here.
Blessed be the man that spares these stones,
And cursed be he that moves my bones.

I've always wondered who got the best bed.

WillThink4Wine said...

I just watched Independence Day again this weekend for the eleventy billionth time. Love Will Smith!

Ivanhoe said...

Ahhhh, you made my day with posting a pic of Will. Definitely on my top ten hunk list :o)

Stine said...

Great wills post - that last one (not Ol' Wills) is wicked...

Akelamalu said...

I agree about Will Smith!

Great post Teach.

SandyCarlson said...

Mary,
This was fun! I like your style.

Travis said...

Loved it. I'm a big fan of Will Smith, although for his acting and not his alleged hunkiness.

LOL!

Raven said...

This was a fun read. Great post.

Desert Songbird said...

I'm sorry, you lost me at Will Smith...

Mariposa said...

OMG, I love Will Smith!!! Thanks for posting his photo...and thanks for the chuckle!