Thursday Thirteen #1

Check out my Thursday Thirteen #2 on quitting smoking after 12:30 today EST

13 Funny (and clean) Limericks:

1.

Said the Vicar to old Bishop Price,
My wife's just had twins, ain't that nice.
But the Bishop said, "Father, in future I'd rather,
you abstained, or were not naughty twice."

2.

An exceedingly fat friend of mine,
When asked at what hour he'd dine,
Replied, "At eleven, At three, five, and seven,
And eight and a quarter past nine.

3.

They say sex when you're old is still fun
Just as long as you walk and don't run
But it comes as a shock
When you're still in one sock
And find things have already begun (David Axton)

4.

An old stripper from east of Dijon
Just refused to believe youth had gone
When her clothes hit the floor
So did every man's jaw
But they cheered when she put them back on. (David Axton)

5.

'Tis a favourite project of mine,
A new value of pi to assign.
I would fix it at 3,
For it's simpler, you see,
Than 3 point 1 4 1 5 9

6.

A blonde girl named Emily Skinner
Would not eat a bite of her dinner
She’d been painting her door
And the man at the store
Had told her she had to get thinner

7.

A blonde-haired young lady from Wales
Applied for a job tracking sales
When they asked, “Can you file?”
She proceeded to smile
And held up ten pretty red nails

8.

There was a young man from Peru
Whose limericks stopped at line two

9.

There was a young bard of Japan
Whose limericks never would scan
When they said it was so,
He replied, “Yes, I know,
But I always try to fit as many syllables into the last line as I possibly can.” (Elliott Moreton)

10.

There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nan took it.

11.

A love-sick young barn-owl in Kew
Had a pretty young she-owl in view.
He twittered, "I oughter
Endeavor to court 'er
But I don't have enough wit to woo!"

12.

A cardiac patient named Fred
Made a limerick up in his head.
But before he had time
To write down the last line (Elliott Moreton)

13.

There once was a blogger named Mary
Thought writing a lim'rick too scary
But though she thought that
She said "Oh hell and drat"
I'm trying it anyway...

theteach

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