Saturday, July 26, 2008

Remember the old Hollywood Squares?


Hollywood Squares:

If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes.
These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.


Q.
If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.


Q.
True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.


Q.
You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.


Q.
According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning .


Q.
Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.


Q.
In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.


Q.
What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.


Q.
As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget!



Q.
Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.


Q.
Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.


Q.
In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.


Q.
It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.


Q.
During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.


Q.
Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.


Q.
When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?


Q.
If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.


Q.
According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A.. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.


Q.
It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.


Q.
Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do ?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.


Q.
Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?


Q.
When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.


Q.
Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.


Q.
According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh

received via e-mail
theteach

9 comments:

Sandee (Comedy +) said...

I remember. It was a very fun show. What smart remarks made by so many funny folks. Have a great weekend Teach. Big hug and lotsa lovies. :)

Sweet Repose said...

Thanks for the laughs...I mean the guffaws, I am cracking up here, out loud, with memories of the good ol' days, Friday nights at home with the family watching Hollywood Squares, what a show! I can actually hear them in my minds eye...am I telling my age???

sharon

Marilyn said...

That's some really funny stuff.

Lew said...

Those are great! Paul Lynde was my favorite for his one-liners. Thanks for bringing back the memories.

June said...

Those are great...and I do remember watching it back then.

WillThink4Wine said...

Who could forget? Awesome show!

Patti said...

These are so funny! I got some belly laughs just now.

Thanks for posting.

Travis said...

Those are hilarious! I remember this show and all of those names. The voice inflections kept coming to me while I read each response.

I didn't understand some of the innuendo in those days, but I did get a lot of the snarkiness.

Great stuff!

storyteller said...

Thanks for the walk down memory lane. I recall watching this show each week and laughing uproariously! These are treasures indeed ;--)
Hugs and blessings,